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Yesterday I braved the heat to go a Sacramento Valley Sparks event. It was my first experience with the burner community and it was awesome! There was food, some really interesting people and music including my friend’s band Blaquelisted. They had a gypsy clothing exchange where you could borrow dress up clothes. There was an amazing collaborative art project I got to participate in and a really cool Burning Man shelter. All in all a great day!
Have you ever been in a moment when something someone says is an absolutely disgusting sentiment? And it’s not a stranger, or some random asshole you can write off. Maybe it was meant to funny, but the whole room has only one tired, uncomfortable laugh. I don’t find myself getting offended at people’s words very often anymore but that comment I found sexist and repugnant. It was anything but funny. It was a revelation of the quality of their character and I found it to be lacking.
This person isn’t charming. They are at best socially awkward. Part of me wanted to make excuses: a lack of social awareness, a lack of comedic timing, a complete and total unawareness that half their audience was women and that you could safely assume at least half of the people in the room would either be uncomfortable or most likely offended. But it’s not excusable for a grown man to make a comment so derogatory and offensive, I’d expect to hear it on the X-Box Live network from a 14 year old boy. If he was wondering why he held no appeal to the opposite sex, I’m sure having no respect for their entire gender is on the list of reasons.
When I interact with a man like this, I can’t help but respect my Fella more. My Fella deeply respects women. I think the greatest example of a feminist man is one who can be friends and carry on meaningful conversations with women and who can make them laugh without being offensive. The funny thing is, my Fella makes jokes all the time that could be taken out of context and interpreted as offensive. But he doesn’t offend people the vast majority of he time. This got me thinking about why that is. Why is it offensive when one person makes a derogatory joke and hilarious when my guy cracks a joke about an equally taboo subject?
I think the difference is satire. Where as my Fella would make a theoretically offensive joke, the punchline is the ridiculousness of sexism, racism, homophobia, etc. Then someone else makes a joke by saying something offensive, but you believe they truly think that way. The difference is night and day. Just like how I want to spend the rest of my days with my fella, politically incorrect and all but I never really want to hear this other man’s opinion on anything ever again.
We’re home! After a brutally exhausting move we’re in our new ditty domicile. The walls are up and painted. Vinyl peal and stick tiles have been laid. All our furniture is here, the old place has been cleared and cleaned and a five by ten storage unit is now filled with a variety of possessions we will be keeping or haven’t had the time to deal with.
I look and feel like I’ve been jumped and beat up but I’m so happy to finally be at our new home. I wish I had photos to share now but the place isn’t 100% done. We still need to finish the path, the interior trim, add shelves, hang art and get the last boxes unpacked. In the meantime, here’s a sketch of the final layout:
I’ve been throwing a lot of stuff away lately. A lot of absolute garbage that totally had to go but it still bothers me. I make a lot of fucking trash. And after however many trips to the communal dumpster I realize once again: I’m a fucking asshole.
I can’t play ignorant about this. I know what I’m doing isn’t good. It’s not good for me, or the planet. I’m It’s wasteful. But I do it almost everyday and I keep making the same choices that are just wrong. What the hell is up with that?
It’s like I’m a politician turned environmentalist whose carbon footprint is bigger than the average coal plant. I’m a complete ass hat. I’m not really a hippie. I just play one on TV.
This is a few years old but I wanted to share because the information is so valuable.